My Clara
by rach1803
Summary: The Doctors POV when his companion makes the ultimate sacrifice...Again... Currently a one-shot, but might make it longer if people like it.


**So I'm not updating that much at the moment because of exams, but I saw Doctor Who earlier, had this idea and had to write it.**

**Enjoy and please R&R.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who**

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"_Run you clever boy, and remember me."_

Those words again, they haunted him.

His mind screamed as he watched her jump into the light, his time stream. From the floor his brain screamed in agony, in pain. His mind burned because his body couldn't.

His Clara, gone.

It was more painful than the other times, and then she'd just been Clara or Oswin. She'd just been the girl who was there, a potential friend, a lost soul. But this was different; she wasn't just a girl this time. She was his. His Clara, his companion, his friend and he'd lost her, and that hurt.

Suddenly she was everywhere. Everywhere in his mind, sometimes clearly, the asylum, London and then when he stole the TARDIS, telling him what to do which one to take. There from the beginning bossing him around, so Clara, he'd have laughed in any other circumstance. But this wasn't any other.

Sometimes he saw her less clearly, a shape in the corner of his eye, a figure without a face. He couldn't make out the features but he knew it was her. Always her. People had said that he was a lone angel but that wasn't true, he wasn't alone, he'd always had her.

She was his angel.

She was burning for him, dying for him over and over again in a never ending cycle. Dying for every stupid and reckless adventure he had ever had, every whim, every time he'd done something just for the hell of it, just because he could and she was dying for it. She was dying without living, never really real just fragments of the girl who had just jumped out of his grasp. She would never have a future; he ended it for her every time. Collateral damage some might call it.

He thought he'd only lost her twice, and boy had that hurt. Knowing that he had killed her, she had died saving him, twice. Except it wasn't twice, it was over and over again, a repetitive cycle, a record stuck on repeat and she was trapped in it. Her memories, her families created just so she could die for him. Thousands of families grieving the loss of a girl they all thought was theirs. She was no ones; she has no family, no reality. Every single hope and ambition and plan that she makes counts for nothing, because in the end she will die. Tragically and painfully. She will die for him.

And he lets her.

Maybe not deliberately, maybe not conscious but he doesn't save her. She is always the girl who slips out of his fingers. The girl he can never quiet reach in time. How many times had he forgotten her? How many times had she died for him and then he had moved on, forgetting her, leaving her? Ignoring her last request?

"_Remember me"_

That was all she had ever asked of him. To remember, to acknowledge, not all the time just a passing thought for her. For what she would have said, would have done. For all she could have been.

He cannot leave her.

Ignoring his wife, ignoring his instinct, he jumps in after her.

He owes her, and he needs her.

He will save her.

He can hear her cry, alone and scared. His hearts break. It was all his fault.

"_Clara"_

He calls to her, calms her, she tells him to leave whilst hoping he'll stay. Trying to save him again. He won't leave without her.

Not now, not ever.

"_I don't even know who I am!"_

It breaks him, it's his fault. Her confusion is his entire fault. He sends her the leaf, her symbol of hope. The thing that brought her into this world to guide her out of the darkness and despair. .

"_Hold tight, it will take you home"_

To show her he's coming. He won't leave her.

He can see her, she can see him. She's alive, but her eyes are so sad, so confused. Is he real? He can hear her unspoken question. He doesn't blame her. She walks towards him, hesitantly. He needs her by his side. He needs her safe. He needs her alive. He tells her, tells her she can.

"_How?"_

He tells her who she is too him. The impossible girl. His impossible girl.

The girl who gave so much.

The girl who could never blame him.

"_Just this once, just for the hell of it, let me save you"_

She's coming to him, nearly there.

"_You have to trust me Clara!"_

Then she's there. In his arms. Where she should be. Safe and alive, crying but clinging to him in hope. Clara Oswald, he did it, he saved her. For once, she's with him now and he will take her home. Just like he promised.

"_Clara, my Clara."_


End file.
